It Takes a Village to Raise a Child & Support a Mom

A story of loss and support from Guest Blogger, Angie

When you are expecting, it is supposed to be the best most exciting time in your life.  Your family and friends help you prepare for the arrival of your bundle of joy.  But what happens when less than a month to your due date, your baby is no longer viable while still in utero?

When someone dies, there is an abundance of support and love provided.    A funeral and memorial are held, and people say things about the person that passed.  When it is a baby, things work a lot different.  

Friends and acquaintances often don't know what to say or how to offer support.  I found that we did have a lot of support from strangers, family and friends.   People were always checking in, and sending us packages.   

Without these people I would have gave in to the depression.  I felt like I really needed to find comfort in knowing I was not alone.   Instead of going to fun activities with my daughter, I suddenly found myself going to grief sessions talking about my loss.

Someone once said it takes a village to raise a child, but this can also be said about losing a child.   It was very important for me to be able to grieve openly, and to be honest with my feelings.  You really get to know who your true friends are during a time like this.

It took me months to be able to get out of bed and face the world.  Then a few days after our six month anniversary of losing our daughter, my mom died.   This was like a double blow to my gut, and I thought for sure I would be destroyed. 

Again the same people who had supported me were there in full force.  Not to mention all the people who knew my mom they were there for me in ways I never even knew I needed support.

I found comfort in continuing with my blog, and joining as many online support forums as possible.  Connecting with people who were also grieving was very important.  To know I wasn’t alone, and that none of this was my fault, was also important.    Strangers became close friends, close friends became best friends. 

When people who write to me, and tell me that they were happy I was speaking out this saddened me. Why weren’t more people speaking out?  Why was it I had to be the spokesperson for loss and support?  I encourage anyone who is going through any type of loss to speak out.  Talk to someone, anyone!  Yell, cry, scream, laugh, and show emotions.   Don’t pretend you’re fine, if you aren’t.   In the Waterloo area there are many support systems , I urge you to seek these out and get help.

momstown Kitchener-Waterloo offers a monthly support group for momstown members facing challenges of pregnancy loss, depression, anxiety and postpartum depression.   

**Thank you to Angie for sharing her story and for having the courage to scream for help and survive with all the support she sought out.  You can find more from Angie on her blog http://www.letterstoleia.ca/